What goes up

From the get go, getting to Bridgnorth was an uphill battle. The whole way. All the time. All 90kms of it. 

Ok, I'm exaggerating, obviously - I did not ascend a 90km-high mountain. It just mostly felt like I did. 

This little bit of mirth at the beginning of the day sustained me up the first hill, I'd say, because what is funnier than finding a giant horsehead and making believe it's part of your bike named Horseback? That's right - very few things!

And so to Bridgnorth. 

With the exceptions of swimming & appreciating the punch lines of jokes, Jaime does everything faster than me. She bakes faster, runs faster, forgives faster, goes through the racks at charity shops faster, eats faster - you name it. Of chief relevance here though: Jaime cycles much faster than I do. In urban areas, I make up for that by being a wiley urban cycle-fox, and we arrive places at the same time. On the open road though, she just fangs it. Like a demon (she's a demon). 

I can only imagine how frustrating it must have been for her to have to wait for me at the top of 90% of the hills between Stratford on Avon and Bridgnorth, but I must say, she was incredibly gracious about it. 

That was something I knew already, but other than that it was a day of discoveries. For instance:

*I discovered that Englad has a sweaty, fungal infection in the armpit of the nation that is Stourport on Severn. You need a wash, Stourport on Severn, and you might want I consider some talcum powder.

*I discovered that the neighbouring town of Bewdley is a delight - the river is divine & there's a pub by the bridge with a toy train going round the rafters which delights children & adults alike. 

*I discovered that even Jaime sometimes regrets eating a whole chicken for lunch, even if it is a 'total bargain'.

*I discovered that I can back up a hilly 91km day of cycling with a mountainous 90km day of cycling. 

*I discovered that it hadn't been a once-off the day before: reliably, at somewhere between 78-85kms, my bike seat will rearrange itself into an intricate pattern of razor blades & begin to shred flesh.

There were some tears today too. Yep: I cried a bit. From tired & shock, mostly. We were about 75kms in, halfway down a hill, when some speed demon bully car whizzed past me at such a click that I kind of jumped and hit a pot hole that sent my phone pouch flying into the middle of the road. As I shoved my bike into the hedge hugging the roadside & ran back up to retrieve the pouch, I was shaking. Jai was down the hill, round the corner somewhere, she would've just had the same arsehole zoom past her, too, and I had possibly just lost our navigation tools. 

I avoided being collected by the next car, and darted into the road. Mercifully, the phone was fine, and no harm done to the pouch, but when I got down under the rail bridge and saw Jai's hi-vis paused, but about to whizz off to climb the next hill, I just cracked. I called out to her, my voice breaking, and begged her to wait a second. I needed a minute. And a hug. And a jelly snake. Or six. 

It was a low point. 

Little did I know, the worst was yet to come...